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The deal was simple: I had to have a long-term employment contract with a stable company providing health insurance and she would return.
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Nothing short of that. The problem was inthat kind of job was not easy to come by.
It was a slender reed to hold on to, my mantra: I had no evidence this was ever going to be true. Still, it was sometimes the only thing I had going for myself.
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Just like in the old days. Maybe Marina had actually left me. It was deeper than that.
She was done with me and the marriage. I ran that thought through my head. It was the first time I remember actually thinking it. She was happy without Fuck buddys Bakersfield. Sure, if I suddenly got a job and everything, she might come back.
Or she might not.
But she seemed to still enjoy me on some level. It was still a marriage and I was still in love with her. We talked all the time, but only because Yood called.
She never called to check on me. I turned away from the soccer match and looked out the window. It was sunny and sharp outside. Sunny in San Francisco!
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What was I doing inside? Unlike Los Angeles, where the status quo is always sunny, always bright and chaotic and frantic, San Francisco is completely different. It is often gloomy, usually overcast, but in a funny way, it felt cozy. It never, ever, feels cozy in Los Angeles.
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It is an exciting place, dangerous, dazzling, dirty, interesting, murderous and funny. But it is never cozy. I could watch a replay of this game later. I can watch good goood several times over, in fact.
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